thursday morning... Words are jerking in my mind. Confusion. Wondering ? happily devastated. Alive or playing to be alive ? Playing with my life. Maybe. I didn't know heart can hurt so much. I didn't know anything before. Yes, before. Before was before. Now is now. Before was an ocean of hope. Now is a little river of reason to trust. A river that can dry at every moment. Last night, I watched a sad movie. A love story that not ended well. I had few glasses of wine. Wine doesn't feed the heart, just make it a little bit numb, enough to find sleep. I had thoughts. I cried, maybe, maybe not. Imagine during one second the situation. Ridiculous, maybe. Life can be ridiculous. You can't explain all. You know it and if you trust in love and if you trust in the truth of your feelings, so you know it. I just know it is not enough to know. Words. I just feel like typing words just to don't feel the silence. Words are nothing. I can write I love you. Words are only words. My mind is full of words. I am trying to lose the track of time. Beats of my heart reminds me each second the time. What I need deeply right now is not to write. What I need right now, my hand keep expecting to find it, like a kind a magic miracle. I go nowhere tonight writing that. Let's say I didn't write anything. Let's say nobody will read my bullshits. Let's say that this moment was just a tiny moment of sadness in my life between two big moments of happiness. I trust in happiness like some people trust in god. But maybe it is about happiness as it is about god ? Maybe you have to wait the moment of your death to realy see if it was true. So, I will wait, patiently, me who is never patient. I will do all to be happy because I have all to be happy. I am here, sitting on the dock of the old world and I am trying to put my glance as far as I can to see the light.
No comments:
Post a Comment