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9/29/2009

29/09/2009



Feeling the autumn coming back a little bit more day after day...This evening I have my PJ's on, having a warm soup...wanting to be wrapped in sweetness...Even if autumn is a beautiful season, even if my countryside will take soon magnificent colors...the big jump from summer to autumn is always for me like a sensitive moment during few days...
PS : You can post me the big cat now...;)

9/28/2009

28/09/2009


I took this pic with my webcam there was a long time ago. It was a sunny
thursday morning... Words are jerking in my mind. Confusion. Wondering ? happily devastated. Alive or playing to be alive ? Playing with my life. Maybe. I didn't know heart can hurt so much. I didn't know anything before. Yes, before. Before was before. Now is now. Before was an ocean of hope. Now is a little river of reason to trust. A river that can dry at every moment. Last night, I watched a sad movie. A love story that not ended well. I had few glasses of wine. Wine doesn't feed the heart, just make it a little bit numb, enough to find sleep. I had thoughts. I cried, maybe, maybe not. Imagine during one second the situation. Ridiculous, maybe. Life can be ridiculous. You can't explain all. You know it and if you trust in love and if you trust in the truth of your feelings, so you know it. I just know it is not enough to know. Words. I just feel like typing words just to don't feel the silence. Words are nothing. I can write I love you. Words are only words. My mind is full of words. I am trying to lose the track of time. Beats of my heart reminds me each second the time. What I need deeply right now is not to write. What I need right now, my hand keep expecting to find it, like a kind a magic miracle. I go nowhere tonight writing that. Let's say I didn't write anything. Let's say nobody will read my bullshits. Let's say that this moment was just a tiny moment of sadness in my life between two big moments of happiness. I trust in happiness like some people trust in god. But maybe it is about happiness as it is about god ? Maybe you have to wait the moment of your death to realy see if it was true. So, I will wait, patiently, me who is never patient. I will do all to be happy because I have all to be happy. I am here, sitting on the dock of the old world and I am trying to put my glance as far as I can to see the light.

9/27/2009

27/09/2009


It is about hours as it is about cigs. Sometimes, they just disappeared in smoke...

26/09/2009


A pic of my friend Stéphane I took last night...
I still wonder why persons look like so orange in my flat...;)

9/26/2009

25/09/2009



Paris...the mirror of the french life style...its old districts were few people live in those beautiful buildings built by Mister Haussmann...the city of fashion, luxury...and behind those things...well hidden from chic boutiques...tents like those ones...An other reality of the city of Lights...a less romantic reality...but a true part of its reality. Just wondering how many times again some people will be able to still continue to walk on the Champs-Elisées ignoring this reality. This post on my blog will not change anything, but it is just a little way to remember...

9/24/2009

24/09/2009


Bridges are made of stone, metal, wood...We use them to cross little and big rivers...There are also a kind of more magic bridges. Those bridges are made of love and we use them to link our heart and soul with the others. From the existence of those bridges, we can imagine two little children playing alone, each one on a side of the river...and whatever if the river is small or big, whatever if the flow of the water is strong, those bridges allow those two children to play with happiness together on the same side of the river. I love day after day in my life to enjoy, use and take deeply care of those bridges that some stars put on the little river of my life.

9/23/2009

23/09/2009


I feel like the shadow of myself right now.....just hope to not become less than that....

9/22/2009

22/09/2009



I feel so exhausted...like if my head could melt completely on my pillow to make just one with...
The short post of a man who just needs to catch up some rest to not become a moody guy with people around him...;)

9/21/2009

21/09/2009


Today, I was thinking about those photographs of the model Lizzie Miller
that were published in the American edition of Glamour magazine of this month. We can see a beautiful woman, in her natural looking. No hair brush, not a full perfect photoshoped body, but just a woman, a true and very charming and radiant woman. I don't know if it is the begining of a big change in our society, maybe not...but I was happy to see those photographs showing someone who looks like happy and having a "normal" way to live, because you can't see a so radiant face on a model's face who only had an apple as dinner. For me a beautiful person is at first being beautiful about the capacity of this person to enjoy all sides of life. I enjoy to eat, to drink, to be with people I love very late and not sleeping so much, to be with persons who also can enjoy that naturaly. For me, to be beautiful is not about to work hours each day my six pack I don't have. The beauty is coming from the happiness, from sharing with others this happiness. Beauty is not about what we see with eyes but what we feel with heart.

9/20/2009

20/09/2009


Sometimes, reading the big book of our life's story, we realize that we can't continue to write the story until we are not ready to turn the page. During months, I didn't want to turn this page, scared I was to have to write again a new story. Those last weeks, life teached me that I should not be affraid, that to open this new page is not to start a new story but just to accept to open a new chapter in the same story. I feel happy and serene I am now able to understand it, able to trust in my capacity to face a white page. This new chapter in my life won't be the same of course, but I also feel that this new chapter could be more beautiful, deeper than the chapter before. This chapter will be written taking care of wrong things I wrote before, taking the experience of what I lived to make the new chapter a better chapter. It is the life story of a man learning and growing up a little bit day after day, not a great writer, just a man who trust deeply that this world will be again full of new beautiful things he will try to write with his simple words.

9/19/2009

19/09/2009


Hmmm...it seems that someone forgot suitcases under my eyes...
Who said week-end is the best moment to rest ha ha ha...

9/18/2009

18/09/2009


Very often, when we want to send a message, we use internet and emails to do it. It is easy and fast. But sometimes, over words, the message carries some magic and poetry. For this kind of message, seagulls are very good (I imagine some of you laughing reading my words, but I can tell you that seagulls are wonderful to take care of a precious letter. Try it and you will see...). Sometimes, seagulls who are very busy are helped in their special work by a special woman. This woman named Marianne is having kind of magic invisible wings and can also take care of magic messages. Today, Marianne found me and gave me a part of magic and poetry in my life and a shiny big smile on my face. I just wanted today to thank seagulls, Marianne and all people who still trust in magic.

9/17/2009

17/09/2009

Sometimes I would love to believe that all tears of my body, that all the energy from my life would be enough... Sometimes I would love to trust when someone tells me that there is a light... Today I just can't believe. I can't believe in a light when what is shown to me is the black out...I need to feel to trust.

9/16/2009

16/09/2009

Track of time seems to be like crazy for me right now...Seconds are like hours, minutes are like days...hours are like centuries...

9/15/2009

15/09/2009

This world is full of questions without answers...The only answer I was able to find is in love. I don't have an other answer...je suis désolé...

15/09/2009

A book...and Gould playing the Golberg variations...trying to find more peace...because wherever I am going, I should go in peace...

9/14/2009

14/09/2009


I didn't realize it would be so hard to handle...

9/13/2009

13/09/2009

Of course, it is too much strong...of course it is burning me...but I didn't find an other way tonight to numb my so burning heart...I didn't find an other way than to use fire to put my heart into ice...

9/12/2009

12/09/2009

I closed my eyes...closed yours...then took your hand...
We made a walk along the river... I want to keep my eyes closed to not to see my hand... We made this walk...using our souls as feet...using our hearts as engines of this dream...


the photographs are full of stories. This sentence was said by Willy Ronis, one of the most great photographer of the XXth century who left us today. I made this pic tonight thinking about my meeting with him... I am sure that right now he found rest and peace near her wife, muse died there was few years and will keep her hand in its for the eternity.

9/11/2009

11/09/2009



An apple...the first one from an apple tree from the countryside there...My favorite kind of apple...very sweet...and so big that you can make an apple pie with only one apple like that... To write about this "big apple" was the only way I found tonight to keep my heart mute...

9/10/2009

10/09/2009

How crazy and sweet it can be to read a little 160 letters message...
I am not a technology addict...but when technology is a way to fill up with happiness my life, I love technology...

9/09/2009

09/09/2009


Nauseous...
My desires are restricted... Love can't be a cage...nor for me, nor for the other... All turns around me... No weakness...I must be strong...I must be able to find answers...I must be able to fly...

9/08/2009

08/09/2009

I am trying to not listen too much my heart right now...but it seems that it is too noisy to ignore it....

9/07/2009

07/09/2009

In life, you want to know people you love being happy over all...So, do it, let go, let go to find your way to be happy and when you will come back, if I see in your eyes that you are happy, so you will see in mines that I am happy for you...

06/09/2009


This left shoulder will be strong until my last breath. You should know that on the long road of life, it will be always there if needs...

05/09/2009


The feast of life...
From the bottom of my heart...thank you for the magic of each second we shared...

9/04/2009

04/09/2009


And Paris beats 
Paris, which measures our excitement
And Paris beats
Whispers whispers...

Enjoying Paris...my heart beats...

03/09/2009

Patience is a virtue. I am not patient. From being impatient, I can't find sleep. Why to wait and be patient when you are facing a piece of pure happiness ?

9/02/2009

02/09/2009

Somewhere in the sky...I know it is...I can't see it...can't touch
it...just feel it...I wish to reach this unreachable happiness...Tonight, I feel a mix a very strong happy and sad feelings...Even if it is for 1 minute, 1 hour, 1 day, I wish enjoy this happiness like an endless thing... Tonight, I am looking at the sky...

01/09/2009

12 big cups of coffee...Some vitamin C...2 energy drinks were needed today...The special kind of diet you need when you want to travel around the sun during a moon time...;)